Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
