why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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