I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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