Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
