i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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