My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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