My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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