that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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