When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
