our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
