Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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