i wish starbucks made bloody marys
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
