Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
