Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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