Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
