What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
