He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
