He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My dick has a subreddit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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