i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
