Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
