someone threw a dead crab at me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
