508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
