Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
