please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize