Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
