His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize