So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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