I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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