Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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