I want to have your abortion
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
