What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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