I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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