I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't notice because vodka
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
