I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
