I hope mine doesn't look like that
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
