I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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