It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
