Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
