so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
