I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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