Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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