covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
