I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
