remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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