yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
