I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
