i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
