This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
