i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
