It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize