careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
