does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
