the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
