The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize