the new term for farting is butt boxing.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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