ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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