i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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