ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
