I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
