Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
