Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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