I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
