I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
