so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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