So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He better not be in your backpack
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
