We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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