if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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