My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
