At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
