The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
